Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
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cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
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The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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