I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
