I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
