I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
