: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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