I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
