well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
