There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize