i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
