Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
