Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
