I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We need to rekindle our bromance
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
