i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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