We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
