dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
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