you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
