My sheets look like a crime scene.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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