Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
