He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
