Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
People with herpes should wear stickers.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
