It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
