I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
