My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
