Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
