So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
