she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
