people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
