what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize