i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize
