Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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