Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
