ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
