i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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