you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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