I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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