apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
