I faked an abortion last night.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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