I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
God, I missed his penis.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
