her vagine was all disorganized.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
