it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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