I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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