so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
