I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
