She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
