Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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