Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
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