My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
