As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
