i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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