It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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