If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
