Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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