god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
