I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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