The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize