so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
