So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
