I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
