oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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