I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
