I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
