Can i not drive my cunt home
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
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He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
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I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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