My first STD was from a foam party
i already hear my dad disowning me
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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