If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
