I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
