It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
