I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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