My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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