I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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