I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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